Winning entry: by Arthur Salvas

There once was a woman I knew
Who had an astounding IQ.
Einstein in his prime
Would have taken the time
For a theoretical rendezvous.

by Arthur Salvas: PUBLISH OR PERISH

We'll know your book's a work of fiction
When its characters use perfect diction.
Yet, if your writing's full of slang,
And your characters say darn or dang,
And if you don't write too verbosely,
And as well not grandiosely,
There are awards your book might win
Or end up in some remainder bin.
Book sellers don't care how it looks -
They're just concerned with moving books.

Though critics may applaud your book
You won't sell one without a hook.
You may find books sell much more quickly
When offered to the public slickly.
A lurid cover may catch the eye
Of sensation-seeking passersby.
No matter what may be their reasonings,
Some savour books with carnal seasonings.
So if you write about the Czechs,
Include a page or two on sex.

For your average book store browser
Just what is a great arouser
Is something to investigate.
When writing do not duplicate
What's been penned in some best seller
Bu Dan Brown or Joseph Heller.
Thus it is, "a fortiori",
You must consult a few thesauri.
There is no room for plagiarists -
Scholarship's vile terrorists.

by Cliff Feuerbach:

There once was a young man of Mensa
Who thought that he'd caught influenza.
Then he gave a great wheeze
and a much bigger sneeze
and collapsed on his antique credenza.

My aims to reduce my expense are
Embodied in verses for Mensa;
No other reward
Save the chance to hear Ford -
A venture no Mensan would censure.

A group with impressive IQs
Went on a riverboat cruise.
In the casino
They lost playing keno
Dimwitted on all the free booze.